Funny dating jokes one liners dating middle aged woman

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It's obviously fake, everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola. Behind every girl’s selfie are approximately 43 nearly identical photos that just didn’t cut it. I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror. I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account, so I just go around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times... If someday we all go to prison for downloading music illegally, I hope they split us up by music genres. I accidentally broke my Irish friend's Pixar movie. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police. My room isn't dirty, I just have everything on display. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. You will never get out of it alive." -Elbert Hubbard "Always remember that you are absolutely unique.

Going to Mc Donald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug. Saw some footage of polar bears drinking water today. Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. If I die in my sleep, at least I can actually say that I died doing what I loved. If your boyfriend remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs. No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid. If you bring a gun to the pharmacy, you can get drugs without a doctor's prescription. Girls Fall in love with what they hear, and guys fall in love with what they see. I named my dog "5 miles", so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

Q: What's the difference between marriage and death? A: One where the trapped animal has to buy the license! A: To break the monogamy Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a husband watching Monday Night Football? Q: Whats the difference between marrying a Mama's Boy and a Daddy's Girl? Q: Why does your boyfriend have a hole in their penis? Q: Why does a bride smile when she walks down the aisle? Never get on one knee for a girl who won't get on two for you. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.

A: Dead people are free Q: Why are boyfriends like parking spaces? A: One makes biscuits like his mother and the other makes dough like her father! A: So their brains can get some oxygen now and then. A: She knows she's given her last blow job Son: Is it true, Dad? Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all!

A: Because love means nothing to them Q: What's a boyfriends idea of honesty in a relationship? A: About 45 pounds Q: What kind of process is Marriage?

A: About 45 minutes Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe AND my favorite....... I'm only a social drinker but I smoke crack like a motherf.u.c.k.e.r.3me someone who has a loathing for the general public and I'll show you someone who works retail.4. If you love someone,set them free,if they come back they're yours,if they don't call them at 3am when your drunk.7. I am looking for a little piece and quiet,just give me a piece and then I'll be quiet!

I'd like to hear your fun one liners...here's mine: I have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do you want fries with that? A day's work for a chicken, a lieftime commitment for a pig. You spend the first 2 years of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk. Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake an entire relationship! They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc.Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing...

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