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That’s not usually a scandal as long as both people remain professional at work, and as long as they don’t issue “I won’t work with Fergus” ultimatums.
Normally the only way it would severely impact you both is if you weren’t supposed to be dating at all because of the power differential — and if that’s the case, she’d be viewed as more at fault than you.
So unless there’s some key detail missing here about your company being one of the few old-fashioned hold-outs that still forbid dating, then either (a) your company won’t really care or (b) your ex is the one who should get in trouble, and that might be why she’s pressuring you to keep it quiet.
And for what it’s worth, her point that you would be easier to remove from the team if they wanted to remove one of you is awfully self-serving.
Most companies don’t have no-fraternization policies. People date coworkers, and sometimes those relationships end badly.Worst case scenario, it could be aggressively inaccurate.Ultimately I think it comes down to this: You know her from being intimately involved with her for a year.If she won’t do #1, then I’d lean strongly toward you doing your part of #2, and stressing to your boss that you’re committed to handling this professionally and pleasantly.How exactly do you go from dating someone casually to having a serious relationship with them? What qualities made you want to get serious with your date? Being self-aware of how others perceive you is a huge advantage in dating and relationships.