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I'd venture to say⎯barring a nasty diagnosis or a death in her immediate family⎯she wasn't attracted, even though she liked him. In other words, she was either avoiding an act of rejection, or she was using him for his brain. Now I was being tested on a subject I knew nothing about. If you don't want someone like me, please let your freak flag fly right away.

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He was reading a French-African play⎯upside down (meant as an obscure joke).

Throughout our relationship, I've learned a lot about setting boundaries and being more verbal when it comes to my needs.

I should have stopped responding, but I was physically attracted to him⎯something that didn't happen often. If you answered yes to any of these, you might need a list of polite questions you can bring along on your dates.

Prior to that, I spent five years having odd, incomprehensible, maddening, and deeply disheartening encounters like the one with Gary. Sometimes I'd get an email from someone who was exasperated by my own flaky behavior. With no agreed-upon etiquette, all of us did what we could get away with, or we emulated others. My opinion is this: If a same-sex couple is meeting for the first time, one of you should assume full financial responsibility. At first I thought we both had on the wrong outfits.

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