Validating others with words

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A second lesson to draw from the contrast between tongue and truth is that truth itself is a wonderful gift.

The concern I raised at the beginning was that 1 John could be taken to imply that what we do with our When John says, “Little children, let us not love in word or tongue but in deed and in truth,” he does not diminish the reality or frequency or importance of loving with our words.

It has always troubled me that 1 John could be taken to imply that what we do with our mouths is a less real or less frequent form of love than what we do with our hands.“Little children, let us not love in word or tongue but in deed and in truth.” It seems to me that we have practical and biblical reasons for saying that the muscle of the tongue is more frequently the instrument of true love than any other muscle of the body.

So let’s step back and see what John is saying in 1 John and what the wider witness of Scripture is.” In other words, true love not only gives its life for the loved ones, but also its goods.

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In fact, one definition of the so-called "borderline personality disorder" is "the normal response of a sensitive person to an invalidating environment" (Psychiatrist R. Laing said that when we invalidate people or deny their perceptions and personal experiences, we make mental invalids of them. He writes "...a history of emotion invalidation (i.e., a history of childhood psychological abuse and parental punishment, minimization, and distress in response to negative emotion) was significantly associated with emotion inhibition (i.e., ambivalence over emotional expression, thought suppression, and avoidant stress responses). So I give myself a time-out, I nurture my inner whiny child or nurse my wounds, allow myself to feel self-pity, then I remind myself how many blessings I have and try to do better.Rejecting feelings is rejecting reality; it is to fight nature and may be called a crime against nature, "psychological murder", or "soul murder." Considering that trying to fight feelings, rather than accept them, is trying to fight all of nature, you can see why it is so frustrating, draining and futile. Let's look at the facts." Businesses, for example, and "professionals" are traditionally out of balance towards logic at the expense of emotions. I didn’t think I was telling them what they were feeling was wrong, I thought I was passing on what I had learned.A good guideline is: People with high IQ and low EQ tend to use logic to address emotional issues. This tends to alienate people and diminish their potential. Things such as: When you find yourself thinking a negative thought –“ I’ll never… I’m not… No one…” – turn it around and say the opposite – “ I will… I am… One or many…”. Or how about not dwelling on the things you can’t change, focus on those things in your control? Sad, Confused, Scared Mom I met someone once who said her boyfriend was jealous. She said she tells him he has no reason to be jealous!When we are attacked, our survival instinct tells us to defend ourselves either through withdrawal or counter-attack. Her father was an alcoholic and her parents were divorced when she was 17.Repeated withdrawal, though, tends to decrease our self-confidence and lead to a sense of powerlessness and depression. Her mother probably tried to deal with her children's unhappiness by saying things like "Don't think so much" and "Don't look so sad." Her mother probably felt responsible and powerless to help them feel better.

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